GIRLFRIENDS

I can’t help but think of the now syndicated show, Girlfriends that Tracee Ellis Ross starred in whenever I see that word. Even the show’s theme song plays in my head and I sing along. It’s funny how that sitcom was taken off the air just as the turn of a new era of black female friendships displayed on television took over. Today, watching “girlfriends” on T.V. means watching a reality T.V. show. And if you do watch them, you know that these women act like anything but friends to each other.  There are more arguments, name-calling and beverages being thrown amongst women than ever before…or at least on television.

Studies suggest that people in general, look to the mass media to determine our social norms. Perhaps that’s why women who don’t even have a camera crew following them are more and more likely to engage in unlady-like behavior nowadays. The Real Housewives and Basketball Wives on your favorite reality show are definitely not the ideal example of what it means to be a woman and have friendships. Let the church say AMEN!

 Let’s go back to where it all began. Do you remember sleepovers and slumber parties? Silly giggles about things that only you and your closest girlfriends shared? Or how about calling your best girl to make sure your outfits coordinated for whatever event the two of you would be stepping out to that weekend? And yes we fought with our friends, but never to the point of throwing bottles at each other, and never to the point where if that one girl you knew had a problem with you ever tried anything, your girlfriend(s) wouldn’t have your back. (sidebar: I recently shared with a Women’s Bible Study Group I was teaching about a girl whose name I won’t mention, but her initials are S.J, who wanted to beat me up in the 6^th Grade. In fact, she told me to meet her at the park so she could beat me up. Silly rabbit! To her surprise, MY GIRLFRIENDS met her instead. I’m pleading the fifth on the rest!)

There is something to be said about those adolescent years. There was something so sweet and innocent about the relationships we had then. Maybe it was because we hadn’t grown up and become women who were in competition with each other yet. Mama was, however, grooming us (to the best of her ability) for the day that we would be women, by telling us every time we had a girl problem, “She’s just jealous of you”. Although mama had the best intent, mama was wrong. Every problem that a woman has with another woman does not stem from a place of jealousy. It may, however, stem from that way of thinking.  It is that way of thinking that tears us apart, instead of bringing us together. I cringe every time I hear a woman say, “I don’t deal with women.” What a shame it must be to exist in a world, where there are others like you, but you can’t fit properly amongst them. Now, is there a problem with them or with you? I’ve never seen an eagle, who’d prefer to walk with chickens! Even God has a special relationship with women and He made wo-man in his own image! 

Think of all of the wonderful things God did for and through women in the Bible. Look at how we show up in numbers in churches all over the world. We are unique and there is something almost supernatural that happens in the universe when we join together and hold each other up. 

I’m reminded of the story of Naomi and Ruth in the bible. Although a somewhat minor character, there was one more important figure in this story. Naomi’s other daughter-in-law, Orpah. Both, Ruth and Orpah loved Naomi dearly. They were both committed to being there for her through tough times, no matter what. However, after much convincing from Naomi, she and Orpah parted ways. Orpah loved Naomi and she cried when she left her, but she left. Ruth on the other hand was a friend, determined to be a friend. Not even Naomi could convince her to leave. Ruth could have chosen a better life for herself that didn’t involve being bombarded with Naomi’s bitterness, but she loved her. Her love and loyalty to her mother-in-law found her favor with God and man. And it was with Naomi’s guidance and instruction that Ruth was wed to Boaz.

That’s what real friendship looks like. Even when the going gets tough, you stick it out. Be the kind of friend you would like to have. Be determined to be a Real Girlfriend.

Where you go I will go, And where you stay I will stay. Ruth 1:16